Litterbox Lingo

This is me thinking dark thoughts about Lucky.

I'm obviously failing in my communication to Fat Luck. He has completely abandoned the thought of using his litterbox. Yesterday, my boyfriend suggested that we just throw out the litterbox. But I have plans for that litterbox...

In the past, when the Lucky would have those rare moments of making poopies and pee-pees in his box, I would cheer for him. I would pet him and say in a sweet delicate voice, "Yaye, Lucky! You went in your box today! Yaye for you!" Sometimes I would even give him a little kitty-cat treat. But he seemed agitated when I would recognize his good deed. He would leap out of my arms, spit out his treat, or bolt under the bed in a fit of shame.

That's when I realized that he hates being a good cat and doing good things. He is only happy when he is bad.

Sometimes I get really nasty ideas about the Luck. I'm almost hesitant to write them down here, but these ideas kind of seem like the perfect solution right now. This morning, he left a few fun shapes in my bedroom, on the floor. When I scooped them up, I had an irresistible urge to drop them in his cat dish rather than the trash. I wonder what he would do. I wonder if I have to rip myself from being a civilized human, and start thinking like an animal. What would the Luck do if he found his poopies with his crunchies? What would he think? Would he think? Oh that cat thinks, all right. He plots. He schemes. I decided that I might do this. But I need to be home when I do this so I can see his reaction.

Another thought I have is to put his cat dish inside his litterbox. Or to throw his crunchies in the litterbox with the sand, and throw out the cat dish. I don't really know what kind of message I'm trying to send with this or with the one above. "Don't shit where you eat." Hm. It's a little cloudy for me right now. I think I just kind of want to piss him off and cross one of his boundaries.

PETA might read this and want to throw cat shit in my food. But the Luck has done worse than that, PETA. I mean, this cat has shat on me in the middle of the night, while I was asleep. Four times.

I'm not sure how much longer I can fight these thoughts and urges. Not really sure if I'm even fighting them...